|Directed by: Marita Giovanni
|Written by: Lauran Hoffman
Run, don't walk from this utterly self-absorbed, completely annoying
look at lesbian life in the bar scene. After watching this film
I wondered if there was any lesbian stereotype that hadn't been
worked for all it was worth in these 90 or so painful minutes.
This director obviously never met a cliche she didn't like.
Lauren Hoffman wrote this script (based on her play of the same
name) about bed hopping babes of the West Hollywood bar scene.
Please please PLEASE tell me that this horror movie has no semblance
to reality, otherwise I'm cashing my pink card in right now.
The story centres around Loretta (Nancy Alison Wolfe), a woman
who starts hanging around a bar hoping to meet someone. Obviously
she does, or else there wouldn't be much of a movie now would
there? OK, OK, I'll try and do this seriously. Loretta eventually
hooks up with Rachel (Liza D'Agnostino) and falls pretty hard.
After a duly noted period of domestic bliss, their happiness
is disturbed by the entrance onto the scene of J.R (seriously,
I'm not making this up!) a butch cop with all the right moves.
She sexy, knows all the right things to say, and tries to snaffle
up Rachel. This has all the makings of a bad porno, but alas there
isn't even a decent sex scene to save this beast.
Will J.R succeed? Will our lovers make it, or will their lives
be destroyed by a tall, dark handsome stranger? Will the bartender
make any lame jokes? Can I just stop writing this now, please?
Poor production values, a miserably deficient script, poor acting
and a poor idea, Bar Girls falls down in pretty much every category.
What it might provide you with is an hour and a half of rolling
around in stitches as the very worst of lesbian culture flashes
before your eyes. See it with some friends and see who groans
first. Maybe start a drinking game, one shot for every mullet
hairdo spotted, two shots for every appalling pick-up line...
(you get the picture)
I'm not even going to put you out of your misery by telling you
the ending. Oh no, you need to go and see this one for yourselves.
Weirdly enough, unlike all the *good* lesbian films out there,
just about every video store I've ever been to has had a copy
on the shelves. (No need to book ahead, it'll be there for you.)
This is a stalwart of the gay and lesbian section and you can't
really say you've seen it all until you've seen this "classic".
There just isn't enough sarcasm in the world to cope.
Got a comment? Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org