|Directed by: Lisa Knox-Nervig
|Written by: Nancylee Myatt and
I have a sense of humour. Honest. I laugh at sex romps and stupid
satire. I own copies of Revenge of the Nerds
and the entire American Pie series. I watched
Flying High twenty times. I loved It's
in the Water, which I thought was about as campy
a lesbian film as you could get.
Boy was I wrong. Wave Babes, marketed as the
lesbian Blue Crush send-up featuring no actual
surfing, is campier. (Is campier even a word? Oh, who cares?)
It's also hideously bad.
Val, Sam and Maureen are three 40-year-old women who reunite
for a weekend at the beach. Val has just divorced her philandering
husband, Maureen is a straight woman with nothing particularly
special about her, and Sam is a lothario lesbian who sleeps with
anything with breasts.
As we reach that golden age in life (apparently 40 if you believe
this film) it is time to gather and reminisce about all the silly
things we've done and all the crazy shit we have left to do. Oh,
and if you're a character in this film, you're hellbent on doing
every crazy thing you're likely never to do again during the course
of one weekend. It's Animal House on speed for
dykes, and not in a good way. Not in a so-sick-it's-funny way.
Not even close.
Throughout the film the women meet Val's ex and his new lover,
they treat the pool-boy like an all-you-can-screw sex machine,
they muse about the state of the lesbian community (and I'll actually
pay the line about there being only ten lesbians in the world
and the rest of it is done with mirrors) and try to dredge up
every stereotype about both gay and straight people they can possibly
find. In fact, the film's biggest saving grace is its shorter-than-feature
running time. If you venture into these waters - fake sharks and
all - you are only in it for the short haul.
In thinking about the film all I can think about are the appalling
gags. There's the Walk Like an Egyptian send-up, the changing
of Melissa Etheridge's "Come to My Window" to "Come
To My Bedroom" (and many other musical mishaps). There's
blonde beach boys and the sexcapades that would only have been
made interesting had there been actual nudity. Then there's the
cardboard cutout backdrops and the attempted spoofs at the popular
beach film genre. Quirky? No. Crappy? You betcha.
I'm afraid if I don't write it all down it is going to stick
in my head. Oh, and now I'm thinking about the greatest horror
of all - that I actually paid to watch it. Well, who cares if
I didn't get it. I wasn't the only person in the cinema not laughing.
And those who were laughing might just as easily have been laughing
AT the film not WITH it. Only the fact that the film was meant
to be satire saves it from the ranking of "worst lesbian
film ever". The fact that Wave Babes never
for one second takes itself seriously is a point in its favour.
Actually, it is the only point in its favour.
Cringeworthy line follows cringeworthy line, the cinematic equivalent
of the death spiral. Avoid this for all you're worth unless you're
drunk, in which case some of it might amuse you, but I'm not promising
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